#someone should test this on me
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
At least they have each other still
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing fanart#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing daisuke#mouthwashing swansea#Swansea mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#daisuke#swansea#fanart#someone on tik tok said I should draw them stuck on the ship after they like died and I said don't test me and I meant it because I did it
6K notes
·
View notes
Text
i wanted to paint water and then shore leave mcspirk happened... not complaining though ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
been working on this on and off for like... a week and a half i think?? would this have gone quicker if i had used any references at all (yes. the answer is always yes)
#star trek#star trek fanart#star trek tos#star trek the original series#mcspirk#mcspirk fanart#mckirk#mckirk fanart#spirk#spones#spock#jim kirk#leonard mccoy#bones mccoy#spock fanart#dust medibang paints#yeah this is another offshoot of the Quiet Moments palette™ what about it /j (i like when theyre soft for each other <333333)#i....should be studying yeah. someone who can do math feel free to mindmeld me so i can pass my silly little tests so i can draw more-#-silly little mcspirk...... 🤭#unfortunately i do have to get into college... but itd be nice if i could open comms a bit in the summer but i guess i should study more
422 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Marchil? I guess I can see it on Chilchuck’s end, but what about Marcille’s? What makes you think she could develop feelings for him?" I’m glad you asked!
The first thing to note is that she does think highly of him
In the page on the right, literally defending his virtues and literally comparing him to Dalclan. And oh…
She does love a brooding mysterious guy who closes himself to love. But surely, Chilchuck isn’t her type at all, right? He’s not princely or knightly at all. In apperances certainly not, both looks wise and demeanor wise, but then that’s why she seeks to know him on a deeper level, to not only look shallowly.
And hmm. Chilchuck really is quite selfless isn’t he? Always looking out for others, and saving specifically her often, always making sure himself and, staying in or even running towards danger for her sometimes. Modesty is often considered heroic…
And can we talk about that drowning one… You can definitely frame the special attention as him knowing she tends to hesitate or be clumsy, and then his insistance on pulling her out of danger that she’s the healer aka the most important to keep alive, but. From the one who says that he just keeps his ass out of fights and won’t help this is a lot of risk to take, and he does die trying to pull her to safety in the dungeon rabbits chapter. And the drowning bit??? That’s when the dungeon collapses. The only reason they DON’T die of drowning here is that the water then gives way to outside. There was NO hope of pulling her to safety here and resurrections would likely not work either, he truly preferred to die with her than try to survive himself.
Sit your ass back DOWN you are in no state, self-sacrifical hero much damn
And Marcille definitely noticed this imo, after all she loves learning all she can about him, remembering things like how he hates waiting on people too. She pays attention to him and what he does and what he says. This to say that it’s notable, whatever reason for it you may think (though we know by this point at least she was already aware he was an adult though it wasn’t internalized), out of everyone it’s Chilchuck’s bed that she wants to sleep in during the Golden Kingdom stay. He’s safe and comforting to her: dependable, the defining trait in her view of him as is shown by the relationship chart in the Adventurer’s Bible.
^ Lending handkerchiefs is a romance trope btw and handkerchiefs have irl history of being used for courting. Especially in old English literature and plays like Shakespeare’s Othello, and personally I do see a lot of Shakespeare in Dalclan (nobility political drama with some romance). There’s how his cowl is a dearly beloved souvenir from his family too, there’s a lot of aesthetic tropes you can apply to him.
All this to say you can 100% romanticize Chilchuck into a princely noble guy if you try and that’s exactly what Marcille does with the wife roleplay. She doesn’t need much in the first place, she latches onto crumbs and makes aesthetic narratives out of details, give her an inch she’ll take a mile.
But what’s interesting about the shift throughout the arc of her and his relationship is that she starts out idealizing him into a little angel of a kid (shapeshifter), and she ends it idealizing him as a virtuous husband and family man instead.
And what’s doubly interesting is that in the former, she’s actively warping who he is personality and demeanor wise to fit the aesthetic, he doesn’t have that bitter pride of not asking for help and the edges have been smoothened. But what she does during the wife roleplay is something else, she acknowledges the flaws and just… Accepts them, rolls with them. She’s aware of his flaws and implements them into the narrative, but the reason why his wife left doesn’t capitalize on them even, rather Chil is chilblivious and his wife loves him very much still, she’s just testing him after having had a night of feeling out of place at his side.
And this is what separates the idealization vs romanticization, she’s not twisting him into someone else she’s just uplifting what he is and focusing on the good sides.
Marcille: "he has a shitty personality sometimes but if he was my husband I’d still cherish him" "If I were your wife I’d be overjoyed to go out with you and would get myself prettied up while you complain about me taking a long time, your friends would tell me that I’m nice and that’d make me happy, but I’d also be sad because you wouldn’t tell me that you love me enough"
He’s angry and his wife left him, he’s *flawed*, but he’s still worth hyping up, still worth having his own romance story, still has a shot of winning back his beloved. She sees him for what he is, human and real and not a carefully scripted character that fits an aesthetic, and she thinks it’s still worthy of love and admiration and fighting for
And what’s funny too is that you might expect her to cool down on him once she learns more about him but actually she only gets increasingly into his business. You tell her your age and next thing you know you promise to introduce her to your family. Give her an inch she takes a mile. And too the thing is, Senshi is equally mysterious but she doesn’t pester him like at all, asks him ONCE about his succubus and he doesn’t even answer and that’s like… It. With Chilchuck it starts off innocently enough with her wanting to know his age, hometown, the stuff she mentions having asked pre-canon. But it just keeps and keeps going and escalating. Think she’ll be satisfied now knowing you have a wife and kids, maybe she’s disillusioned now? Wrong! She wants to know their names and ages and occupations and hey how did you propose to your wife? Do you think she’ll stop after meeting them? What’s next? What will she want to know next????
She’s… Like it’s not a reach that Marcille is all over him. Like it doesn’t mean it’s romantic but she just is. She is not normal about him idk. Can you not ask him about what tongue technique he used when first kissing his wife, give the man breathing room
Marcille could literally go "if I was Chilchuck’s wife" having deeply pondered and thought out the hypothetical and people would still ask where anyone sees any romantic potential between them. Oh wait
There’s a platonic explanation for everything (almost?) in Dungeon Meshi don’t say I’m saying otherwise, but it’s definitely not like there’s nothing here to read into lol
Going off a bit more under read bc it’s my fave topic
Marcille has a whole theme with the charming prince trope with her idealization and storybook motif and Chil is kinda the "Well someone perfect like that isn’t very realistic and romance is usually more complex and that’s ok and good and flawed people can still be ✨virtuous✨" catalyst
Do you see do you see she starts canon thinking the most romantic thing is a prince charming but her arc in the end has her romanticizing an average, flawed, real and realistic family man, who’s on the poorer side and is on the verge of divorce. And that’s what he needed, too, seeing the positive of himself and the situation instead of focusing on the negative is explicitly what inspires him to hope that he might be able to reconcile with his wife, gives him the courage and self-esteem to shoot his shot.
He IS a prince figure instead that now it’s not about idealizing the grand and overt it’s about romanticizing the small things in real life!! About finding joy and beauty in things that seem normal or mundane and uplifting them to make the world feel kinder!!!!
He’s the devoted virtuous man that she wantsss not the storybook prince that’s unrealistic and could crumble like a script at any time. He’s the perfect example of a flawed realistic but virtuous & devoted & loving man. Far from a prince charming, but not fully detached from it either. Something worth fighting for despite the flawed cracks. Like literally, flawed romance being worth fighting for is literally the finale of Chilchuck and Marcille’s arc on the matter, where their separate arcs and issues intersect at the most crucial moment.
Marcille is important to Chil’s arc not only because of her optimism, but also because of her interest and knowledge in romance & matters of the heart, and that’s what he needs to both open his heart up to hope and to try to reconcile with his wife, like idk sounds gay
Their arc together is literally learning to 1) see each other for how they are and not undermining their qualities capacities etc etc while still not leaving flaws unchecked either and 2) opening up to people. Marcille LITERALLY makes Chil open his heart up to hope like idk man. What do you want from me. He’s literally the guy helping her through deconstructing novels and fantasy and rose tinted glasses and like. Deconstructing the prince charming figure into something more real but still romantically beautiful like KUI KUI STOOOOP STOP I’M ALREADY HOOKED I’M ALREADY-
Ok fine that’s me reading into the tropes too much forgive me for being storybook brained but like. Speaking his heart out to a lone woman on a balcony, Romeo and Juliette shit, asking if she, too, doesn’t want to meet his family, madly blushing. And like she’s learned with Chilchuck it’s all in the little things, all the implications he cannot speak aloud. She does reciprocate, does blush madly back, and the first thing she does is shower him in flowers and jewelry and what in her heart is coded as romantic gifts
A lady, stashed away in a high tower by her lonesome, waiting for someone to call out to her from below… Romeo courting type shit with an offer, a heartfelt spiel, implicit confession from underneath her balcony. Offering him flowers because he succeeded in calling out to her heart…….. And they have to climb to her too…. Crazy
Doesn’t it sound like a proposal. One that’s both so storybook-like and not, contrastedly real and grounded, all about the implications rather than in your face grand gestures, "Don’t you want to meet my family?". They literally have an arc about the topic of romance and this is the climax/pinnacle of it like god?? This is @ the woman who said "Chilchuck is a shy/bashful man so I know he wouldn’t tell me he loves me, but…" btw
To quote a friend, truly the shiny secret unlockable dating sim capture target : THE DUNGEON LORD BIT WAS SO FUNNY BECAUSE HE KNEW SHE'D TAKE IT HOOK LINE AND SINKER HES THE ONE WHO GOT HER TO TURN AROUND COMPLETELY SHES LIKE. WIDE EYED FLAG RAISED???? FLAG RAISED WITH CHILCHUCK 👀👀👀‼️👀👀‼️👀
And the way that this is the culmination of their arc together… Like people are not ready for the ‘Chil calling out to dunlord Marcille on the balcony has Romeo and Juliette romance novels imagery’ take. Or the ‘their arc is about growing to see beauty even in the non-idealized, in the flawed and in the real’ take which makes it so so perfect if she were to lower her ideal from a charming elven prince to a virtuous halfling man (which she does end up romanticizing)
So there, you got to witness in real time what happens when I think about marchil for longer than 2 minutes, there are so many layers it’s a deranged rabbithole. I saw the necronomicon of subtext and it’s driving me to madness with forbidden knowledge that no one else sees
……. Like what if I told you she implicitly picked Chilchuck over a "unrealistic prince charming who’s actually disingenuous" much earlier in the story already. If she was given the choice to think through going with a guy that seems perfect and chivalrous like her succubus she’d pick Chilchuck over the other actually. If I sound insane rn tune in for my full analysis on them coming this month hopefully thank youu. Interwoven arcs of fantasy vs reality and idealization vs pessimism I love youuu
So now you know the general thesis of my planned analysis about the importance of the prince charming figure in Marcille and Chilchuck’s arc, where she romanticizes things to a sometimes worrying degree or idealize people into something easy and digestible and poetic (like Chil being a kid, and then him being a virtuous ✨✨✨husband), and how she needs to value aesthetics less and actual acts and facts more, be more grounded (like seeing people for what they are flaws and all, and accepting that people need money and not pulling through on principles of honor or unity shouldn’t get Namari shamed) and a part of that is accepting that Chilchuck is BOTH flawed and virtuous, a loving husband that still has shitty moods and fumbled his marriage so bad etc etc. So it’s like, her image of perfect prince charming that will whisk you away on an ethereal romance -> realistic flawed middle aged dad with personality issues and a failing marriage but he still is worthy of love and having his cute grand romance story and his happy ending. Ik I keep repeating the same point through this but I need it to be burned into everyone’s brains it has its grip on me I can’t do this. They are so special……
#Someone did ask (on discord) btw i’m not just being a smartass though I do love being that too#This is stuff I cover in my upcoming marcille & chil arc analysis except here I can go full romo and don’t keep the strictly platonic angle#It’s at like 15k words rn I think. The 30 pics limit is killing me which is why I started asking my friend to do collages of panels for me#Sob#I keep alternating between it and the Falin analysis save me. Should be dropping soon idk i might test out having a beta reader for that on#Marchil foreplay is 2 years of being coworkers and slowly worming personal questions out of him until he blinks and she has#a key to his house#Dungeon meshi#marchil#marcille donato#chilchuck tims#like they’re so so funny look at this shit. Nonconsensual romanticizing of you as a person. Obsessive interest in your personal life#She’s latched so hard onto the “mystery” of him they’re deranged#MAYBE ITS ALL COMPROMISES MAYBE ITS ALL SWEET INBETWEENS <3#maybe we'll take our vision of what we thought we could be and make something new together. something for just us#Fumi rambles#Maaan Marcille’s ‘idealizing him into liking him even for all his flaws bc his personality is often kinda shitty’ arc’#and Chilchuck’s ‘prejudice against elves and mages and optimism into respect and trust’ arc are everything to me#Meta#Spoilers#Dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Tagged this so late oops#It’s so funny. She’s canonically wondered how Chil would be like as a lover#No no but like do u see. Fantasy is a key part of her chrcter and arc and he’s the foil to that he’s the thing that comes challenge it
345 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#rough day#my dad is having a terrible time and I can't really help much without someone to help ME#so that's scary and sad#and the Christmas thing im making for my bf looks beautiful but i made a really really bad mistake#that means it is incredibly delicate to the point it will ultimately not be able to withstand things like dusting or being stored#so it has to go in a bell jar or something similar#and i will redo it completely after that#and i feel bad for making a mistake i was warned about because i badly misjudged what other artists meant by 'light layers'#i should have tried a more thorough test run but i thought there probably wasn't time and i turned out to be super right about that#i know the longevity thing doesn't matter much as long as i have it ready for my boyfriend#and everything else can get sorted later#but i am doing absolutely beautiful work on something i know won't survive and the context of the piece makes that unutterably sad#and the situation with my dad is awful and upsetting and i don't know what to do#i'm not a very good grownup i really am not and so much of what is being asked of me is crap i cannot do#or what is going to be asked of me#my boyfriend is here for me but doesn't know any more than i do and i feel very alone#anyway the thing im making may be fragile but it's still so beautiful and i think you'll love it when i share it
51 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m 100% sure that Miss Penelope Garcia wouldn’t stand for this. She would find some way to overthrow the electoral college so Mango Mussolini wouldn’t win.
#it baffles me that so many people are voting for a convicted felon before voting for a woman#like seriously someone should put their 2nd amendment rights to the test#pls make another assassination attempt#this time make it successful#I do be yapping#politics
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
Shadowed a very pissed off neurologist today. It was so hot
#She’s usually the very easygoing jokey type so seeing her this way was SOMETHING#One of her assistants was bringing her results for cognitive testing and she was like where r the scores. And the assistant was like let me#Just compute them#And the neurologist was like “I need them NOW baby” in her valley girl accent#“Is this a pass? Is this a fail??” and then just dismissively handing her the papers without looking at her#Her pretending to laugh at the other neurologist’s jokes was so funny too like can yall not see how done she is today#They were talking ab someone too and one of the neurologists was like “yeah she’s not a patient”#And the neurologist I shadow just goes “maybe she should be” 😭😭😭 OKAY RATIOED#I mean I was terrified in that moment but in retrospect it’s like ok I wanna be U one day so bad
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
Spoilers for Sinsmas/Sinsmas ramble
So I had Sinsmas paused on my browser to do life stuff as usual, I Will Be Okay was in my head, and I walked back to my computer after life stuff and realized the frame I had it paused on was
D
Do you see what I'm seeing
Their positions aren't just similar, they're reversed. In "I Will Be Okay", Via is on the floor and Stolas's shadow is standing up, looking down on her and reaching a hand to her from above, which she swats away. At the end of Sinsmas, Stolas is kneeling on the floor, with Via looking down at him from above, and her hand resting on Stolas's, which she pulls away from.
AND THE PARALLELS AND REVERSALS DON'T END THERE
From what I could see, it seems like there's only one instance where the parallel doesn't totally apply.
This.
Merry Sinsmas, Helluva Boss fandom :D
:'D
#helluva boss#sinsmas#hb spoilers#rambles#ramble#hi fandom this is my first time in these parts please be nice haha ^^'#i love parallels guys#hb storyboard artists you MASTERMINDS /aff#as someone who at most just looks at the analysis videos and has absorbed the goings-on through internet osmosis#the emotions still hit very hard for this episode#which is also the first one i watched in full as opposed to just going to certain clips to see what the fandom is frothing in the mouth ove#hot take: via has the right to be mad at stolas. but stolas also deserves to (and SHOULD) have a moment to explain to her everything#now stolas in mastermind put himself on the chopping block after confessing which is the most blatant “yes i am ditching my life for an imp#and is very much breaking the promise he made to her in loo loo land the instant it was tested#so yes via has every right to be mad in this regard#but#she's also very deliberately being kept out of the loop with everything going on with her family and it's biting her in the ass#she probably knows her parents hate each other but does she know that stella hires hitmen to kill stolas like on every day ending in y?#does she know that the reason they got together in the first place was just because they needed a precautionary goetia heir?#does she know that their wedding anniversaries are “not divorced” anniversaries in every sense of the word?#does she know that stella never plans on having her fulfill her purpose as a goetia#because she and andre want stolas's power like flies want shit and are going to hog that power for all it's worth?#probably not#stella wouldn't bother telling her about it because she doesn't really care for her much (just the perks of having her on her side)#(i mean c'mon “the egg that came out of me” and “his daughter”?)#and stolas didn't want to tell her the full extent of what he had to go through because he wanted via to have a normal childhood#meaning he wanted to fill the role of the ordinary loving father with no issues and no happy pill abduction whatsoever hahahahaaawhosaidtha#so he didn't want to worry her with his issues when she is still growing and that shit is too much for a little child to process#but with via's eighteenth birthday coming soon and stella and andre being even less subtle about their.... their EVERYTHING#maybe via will begin to get a peek into everything underneath the surface and maybe understand a bit of what stolas had to deal with
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
lemme tattoo u with some dumb lil cute design then u n then tell everyone its ur kids drawing
#u could say let my kid practice but that may raise more concern idk tbh i dont know if ur supposed 2 let a kid tattoo or not?#told them they should do this with one i rly fucked up pretty bad once ngl lmaoo n they didnt respond which 😡 im serious#look me tattooing u is a 50/50#ive done some rly good ones on me n others n ive done some questionable ones but look if u let me tattoo u i think u know ur taking that#risk ngl lol bc every time im not confident im like uhhh i can try lol n if someone says that whos about 2 tattoo u thats on u okay#bc god did i fuck up one on angel lol but another friend i gave a gr8 one n my brother got a gr8 one too n one person was my test canvas 4#a bit so uh half n half tbh n one person fucked up their own bc i said dont get in the ocean till its healed thats not on me then ngl n i#think thats everyone ive tattooed but lol the alarming part is i actually have no idea which uhhhhh i have lots of gaps in my memory due 2#drug abuse n just not bein real 4 months at a time lol#batbaby rambles
52 notes
·
View notes
Text
no one's done this one yet?
#someone should i think theyd be really fun together#13 in potd realising what they had during the vault years Was friendship actually she just couldnt see it bc of the fear to trust#and 15 seeming to be more good time > rules#i can see him being like 'you know what. you havent betrayed me YET'#dhfkjhgjk scream oh my god imagine him accidentally rewritng the entire timeless child arc bc he just likes hanging out wiht missy#vault nostalgia. just chilling. they go out dancing. its a great time#and bc the master will become like 90% less evil if the doctor just pays them attention he actually just rehabilitates missy#without all the drama and testing and neuroticness of the vault#she just fucking chills out. never becomes dhawan!master. they never find out about the timeless child#15 just wakes up one day in bed with her after a night out and is like........................feel like theres smth im missing#'wasnt i a woman before. why do i not remember like 80% of that regeneration'#and missys like 'happens to me All The Time dont worry abt it kitten'#and hes like okay <3 yay :)
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yesterday, my 12 year old laptop died.
This machine was an XPS laptop. It was in perfect working order up until the motherboard decided to die. I've swapped keyboards, screens, batteries, and a track pad on this thing, all with the help of YouTube. I actually wanted to get this machine repaired until I learned it would be about 3 grand for a repair that might work. There would be no guarantee and it would be hard finding someone willing to work on a computer that old.
I'm paying someone for data recovery because he can do it better and quicker. When that's done and I have the hard drive, I'm going to donate my old XPS. It can still be repaired if you have the right part and enough time. People do. I'm donating it to a program that takes old computers like these, fixes them, and gives them to low income students. This computer will probably last another 5 years (or more). Parts for it are easily purchased on Amazon.
My new computer is coming today. It's the same build, just slightly newer. It will last me another 12 years I hope. I will repair it as needed. Parts are easily available on Amazon. It will do everything I need it to and, when it's time, I'll swap it all over to a new computer from that same series.
Being able to repair my own machines has made me an XPS user for life. It allows me to save money and cut down on e-waste. So many people are stunned that my old computer was 12 (the one I had before this was 15 before it failed). We are so used to a society with disposable technology that it's genuinely shocking to people when someone says they fixed their own laptop.
But why should people try? So many laptops are made so you can't just unscrew and pop the back off. So many computers are made to fail after two, three, or four years. So many computers are made to force you to buy a new one for whatever capitalist bullshit reason.
I'll gladly pay extra for right to repair and a solid build with easily available replacement parts. That's what's important to me.
#dispatches#original content? on this blog?#kiri rambles#in light of recent events#right to repair#the XPS OS/build is not sexy#i went to a corporate chain to ask if they would run a test i can't#they wouldn't open it up and tried to sell me some $300 plastic framed piece of shit#i don't care if it's lighter#i want a metal framed beast that won't die if i take it apart#besides i already bought one#need to add extra memory to it but that's cheap#i needed a computer ASAP and didn't want to wait a month for a custom build#technically i could turn the old one on#but it would cook the hard drive#all the micro soldering is fried and nothing is communicating like it should#i wasn't expecting it to just go so quick#but whatever#i hate corporate computer chains#rude assholes#i don't like building my computers myself#i have made someone a custom rig with as much memory as i can physically shove into the tower#yeah#that sucked#“adult legos” my ass#never again#i will pay someone to do that shit#i am lazy#and i will happily pay people for their skills
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
my 'hey yes we have an all-consuming brainrot going but let's try and do something actually productive this week that I'm having off of work' project is sorting through my bookshelves, rigorously throwing things out (little miss I own over a thousand books in my one-room apartment is reaching the breaking point aka I'm finally and utterly running out of space) and i think i threw out almost a hundred books today and it's still not anywhere close for sorting shelves by genre without having to stack and put things second row. how am I supposed to live like this
#*mine#mona rambles#I've already put a book buying ban on myself until i catch up with my tbr of owned books#unfortunately for me then tolkien took over my brain so while i /am/ only more or less buying my 2 allowed books per month#they're all his stuff and I'm not making a dent in said tbr at all while also having very little hope that this is going to change anytime#soon#i do have a rough sorting now by like....#fantasy / other fiction / queer + feminist + antiracist theory / other non-fiction / poetry / classics / philosophy / language + travel /et#but it's really more of a suggestion and really testing the limits of like.... shelf space lmao#i'll have to catalogue all of it too once i'm done to see what my actual tbr is at and like. man. terrifying#but also i just think someone should pay me money in exchange for 5-50k words per month so that i can move and have a library. it's time
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
perpetually pingponging between having competitive dog ambitions and wanting nothing to do with the dog community ever again 🏓
#dogblr#dog sports#anyway i finally got a dt launcher#ive been wanting one since mav was a baby#they arent even that expensive i just was too nervous to ruin my dog#(a dt launcher shoots a blank and launches a toy to teach gundogs how to retrieve and be steady to gunshot)#i am semi confident in my ability to work rory to it without ruining her#if i get it soon i can spend like 6 weeks making her wild about the toy it launches#indoors and in the city#and then once the snow melts it should be simple to introduce the shot#anyway im having field test dreams#but at the same time LOATHE many of the people involved#anyway#thats where im at#i did buy the launcher though so we'll see#semirelated: the person who got top rally brittany this year got huge praise from the breed club president#who refused to acknowledge that mav won it last year#it doesnt matter but it made me so sad#someone on the breed club told me how important it was that i stay involved and i push for change#but they lowkey broke my heart by being so mean about mav#cant handle me at my worst (beautiful perfect out of standard dog) dont deserve me at my best (beautiful perfect in standard dog)
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love my friends because i have used “subliminal message: [thing i want them to know but dont want to say outright in a serious format]” so many times this week and they never bring it up to me just Do The Thing
#i used this first for subliminal message i would like concrete plans on covid safety for new years with test times and stuff#and got back ‘hey guys i’m planning on testing at this time and this time just thought you should know. i can also remind others to test’#and just#i love them#i did it again today asking for someone to get me a subscription box of fish for the holidays
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
agent 4 fact
IM AWARE
maybe this is why 4 gets no screentime lol
......
............
someone help my bby 4 pls
#(is laughing to hide the tears)#someone bring four back or ill cry hhhhhhhh nintendo pls#do i need to make another promise like getting the shiver tableturf sleeves for splatoween?????#cuz i will do it. dont test me. i will make more insane tableturf promises.#(ok chat should i do spyke or marie if four shows up in the dlc?)#mod shiver#mod speaks
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
I genuinely cringe SO hard when I see that 16personalities “-A” and “-T” shit. (It’s not even mbti) Like it is a genuine pet peeve. I’m beginning to feel that way about enneagram wings, too, but eh, I feel like wings have more merit. 16p just slapped on a big5 trait onto their glorified big5 test, so now people who don’t know about functions think that the difference between an ENTJ-T and an ENTP-T is one letter. It’s actually, like, A LOT. ENTJ’s use the cognitive functions Te, Ni, Se and Fi. ENTP’s use the cognitive functions Ne, Ti, Fe and Si. Very different. And, like, I don’t wanna go into these people inboxes like “erm ackshully, this this and this” because A) they probably don’t care, and that’s fine. B) they might find it rude, for whatever reason. People don’t like being corrected… I don’t think. C) Ignorantly people who double down just aggravate me more.
It’s not that I don’t see any merit in letter typing. I see where it’s coming from, I just can’t stand 16p, specifically.
#lemons random rants#mbti#myer briggs#myer briggs type#typology#16personalities#typologyblr#I made some typology userboxes a while ago btw. socionics and mbti. and enneagram#the mbti ones kinda suck. socionics are meh. I like the enneagram ones tho#I didn’t use yerich.net at the time so they were kinda amateurish.#I just. I don’t really have anything truly against 16p people because like- we were all there at some point. it’s a canon event#but I just cringe so hard at certain phrases#’I’m an INFJ-T’. ‘last time I took that test I got ISFP-A. I should take it again.’ ‘I’m an intuiter.’#I’m starting to feel that way about enneagram wings too#the people who had the worst takes when it came to typing me were people who used wings…#[I cut a large tangent out of this. but basically they don’t understand subtypes.]#[like the fact half of the people on one post I made said sx6 and the other half said sx9w8. yeah very similar types guys.]#[sarcasm]#someone said 1.#the only good opinions were on a longer post I made where I went into more detail. someone said sx4 someone else said sx6#i feel like a so4 with strong sx4 traits
13 notes
·
View notes